If you had asked me about being an empath and a giver two
years ago, I would have given a negative response, feeling emotionally drained
and disrespected by others. However, as I've journeyed through life, I've
discovered the positive aspects of these traits.
The baseline thought is that givers attract takers and empaths don’t stand a chance in the world we live in.
Let me clarify what a giver and an empath are. A giver
devotes themselves entirely to others' well-being, instinctively caring for
others like a baby taking its first breath. An empath possesses an
extraordinary ability to feel the mental and emotional states of those around
them, which can be challenging in a world where mental illnesses, like depression,
are prevalent.
For me, I have always felt the emotions of others as if I
were in their shoes. While trying to explain this to people, I faced
challenges, as it seemed offensive to claim to experience similar emotions
about things unrelated to me. I could sense when people felt anxious, angry, or
sad, and I would inquire about it, even if they tried to hide their emotions. Eventually,
I would get an answer out of them. It would be so obvious that they were going
through something, but nobody else seemed to notice.
Let me share some personal experiences to illustrate this.
One of my depressed feelings stemmed from my father's past experience as a
football player at the University of Oklahoma, where he suffered from
mistreatment during practices, leading to a near-fatal illness that ended his
career. Although that all occurred before I was born, I could still feel his
depression and anger towards it and took it on as my own. Another incident
involved a science teacher in my small high school, whose symptoms indicated
something was wrong, and my intuition knew that and led me to speak to her on
the day she suddenly passed away.
Being an empathetic giver can be both a psychic blessing and
a source of distress. When these traits clash, it can lead to overwhelming
feelings and the desire to heal others' problems, which may prove impossible.
It is a downward spiral. Despite the challenges, I wouldn't change being an
empath and a giver.
It can be as negative as you want it to be, but IT IS NOT ALL BAD. Sometimes, life brings seasons where someone, possibly a romantic partner, continuously takes from you, leaving you emotionally depleted. Even then, you may continue giving until you have nothing left, but such experiences can serve as valuable lessons in learning to set boundaries and show yourself self-love.
A song that describes this well is Two by Sleeping At Last. It’s a song written from the standpoint of personality type 2’s and, at least for me, it’s accurate. Sleeping At Last - "Two" (Official Lyric Video) - Bing video
Anyways, you’ll be destroyed and damaged and you’ll have to take time to heal from it. You are now forced to heal yourself due to the inconsiderate behavior of someone else. But that was all a lesson. A lesson meant to benefit you!!! You see, that’s a great thing. Because you’re forced to learn yourself and show yourself self-love. Something you always wished you could do, but never would’ve done had you not been forced to.
I guess my point is, you can dwell on the things people do to you even though you’re a compassionate person for as long as you want. But the truth is, without them, you wouldn’t have become so damaged that you were forced to put up boundaries that needed to be there from day one.
Now, let's focus on the positive aspects. As a healthy giver, you can provide support and care to the people in your life and beyond, bringing joy to your heart. With your empathetic nature, you can still recognize when someone needs emotional support, but you'll have learned to balance it to avoid negative impacts on yourself. You will decide to step back from pouring into that person and focus on giving to others who respect the lengths you go to for them. You have a superpower, and you should be proud of that.
My advice is not to despise yourself for being a giver or an
empath, even when circumstances are challenging. Embrace these traits and stay
true to yourself. Life's hardships can help you develop and enforce necessary
boundaries. But you should never let others have enough control to make you
want to rid yourself of your own personality. It's important to understand that
takers' behavior may stem from their upbringing, and they might not immediately
respect the boundaries you set, as it may be unfamiliar to them.
As I’ve gone through life, I’ve noticed a trend in people that are considered “takers”. They tend to disrespect anyone who shows them compassion. Not all, but some were unconsciously raised to be this way. For example, if a person was raised in an environment where they had to fend for themselves. Just like a giver, taking and selfishness IS the behavior that comes most natural to them. To a certain extent, takers aren’t aware that their behavior can be disrespectful to you. There is nothing you can do to make them see both sides, so don't attempt to. Just remember the significance of enforcing learned boundaries without expecting immediate understanding from takers.
Ultimately, it is about staying true to who you are and learning from life's lessons.